Kroe: self-hatred is the way forward!!!!

Not to worry, I'm not jumping off the balcony or anything just yet.
Merely this: I've just come to realise that it's not worth committing to a healthy lifestyle-which I do, these days- if I don't bother to pick up my life.
What's the use of preventing premature heart-failure, if I don't use my wretched pump, anyways?

It's a question I've been struggling with for the past few months, and I see now, that the only thing that has a chance of working for me is active hatred, anger, directed at myself.

So, my newest in a long list of resolutions is to NO LONGER POINT TO THE POSITIVES, to NO LONGER INDULGE MYSELF, to GET ANGRY, ANGRY, ANGRIER still every time I don't fulfil an item on my daily to-do-list.

It's funny, really, I have an impressive track-record of chastising my perfectionist friends (Sarah, Magdalena, ...?Ines?..., other-in-stretches, even David ), only to realise that I really really really need to take a page out of their book in order to achieve something, anything in this poor excuse of a life.

Even Liesbeth, how often have I not plagued her with my criticism on her rigid views on failure?

To be sure, I still hold those beliefs dear, philosophically/theoretically. It's just that I've managed to shack up at the other end of the spectrum, taking indulgence, self-contentedness to new heights. Nauseating new heights, to be quite honest.

But enough! I've wasted too much time on this post as it is. Time to get angry, and, more importantly, do something that matters.

Emulating Texas: we need friends, emulating Leasle: we need friends, besides lovers, emulating all those people I've lectured over the years, my friends, to be sure: we need that never-ending drive to prove ourselves continuously.

Pride and contentedness are what death-beds are for, and not a minute sooner.

______________________________________

I'm very happy with what I've written yesterday, contentwise. Still, for those who might be worried and the *subtle* suicidal overtones... No need to worry. I find myself very much addicted to Mika, these days... 'Nuff said!!!!!

Mika:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzA0nG_PurQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkGp72d0Ny0

Peace!!!